I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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