Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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