On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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