It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Let's get the cat blown out
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
