Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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