so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
