Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
