Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
