i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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