Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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