i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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