the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Randomize
