he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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