she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
