That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
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