I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
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i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
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Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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