there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
