yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
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i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
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I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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