Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
