Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
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I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
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I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize