I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
