Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
