I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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