i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
