Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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