His pubic hair was longer than his dick
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
