All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
