My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You're like the curious george of whores
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
