whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
