I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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