do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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