Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
