Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
