i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Is it penis luge time yet?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
