I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
