therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
