They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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