I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
No subtext here. People are naked.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
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