he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
All I want is dick and wine.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
