i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
