Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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