Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
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If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
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Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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