tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
The air taste purple.
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