you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
