shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize