why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
