I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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