My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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