then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Hippo gnu deer
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
