chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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