1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
