You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
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i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
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I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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