1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
