...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
