He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
