I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Can I color on your dick again?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
