Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
