There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
