Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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