i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
