cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
