yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
