VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
