OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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