if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
