I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
