I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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