he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
