Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
