If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
