I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Someone signed my nipple.
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