i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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